Oh the sweet back-to-school scent of fresh office supplies and shrink-wrapped textbooks.  After a glamorous summer of living it up as an unpaid intern, I’m looking forward to getting back into the law school swing.  Now that I’m no longer a 1L, I know things are going to be super easy from here on.  Since classes will be a piece of cake, I’ll have time to cultivate my hobbies, maybe make it to a bar review or two... wow.  I couldn’t even get through that without laughing.  Yeah.  I think we can all agree that isn’t going to happen.  Still, it’s good to be back.  And I hear we get our own lockers this year!

What did I learn from my summer work experience?  Well, I learned that no one is truly qualified to handle a copy machine.  Especially not one that could star in The Exorcist: Superior Court Edition.  When it started shooting staples at me, I knew that at least one evil spirit had to be involved.  I also learned that administrative assistants are the true power in our modern world.  While a judge might be able to sentence you to jail, his assistant is the one who can lock you out of chambers, schedule your hearing for a Sunday, or deprive you of Post-it notes.  If you do nothing else at your job, make the lady with the Post-its love you.

I finished my internship two weeks ago.  Since that time, I’ve been swamped, doing interview after interview with prestigious firms, all asking me where I see myself in five years while writing my signing bonus check under their desks.  Hahahahahaha.  But seriously, folks.  I remember this time last year, we were all feeling uplifted by Professor Turley.  This year, we’re getting smacked down by OCI.  I think the CDO limits our bids because they know that 36 rejections would be just too many for anyone to handle.  And I can’t help but get the feeling that the OCI employers are doing this just for kicks.  That’s the only way I can explain some of the questions they’re asking.  I don’t know, Mr. Hiring Partner.  What flavor of Jello would you be?  Strawberry?  Me too!  Does that mean I get the job?  No?  But did you notice the sweet resume paper I used?

Since I’ve accepted the fact that I’m never going to get a job, and that I’ll end up selling my organs on Craigslist to pay off my student loans, I think I’m in the right frame of mind for back-to-school.  This year, I bought a backpack big enough for my evidence book and my anxiety to fit comfortably.  My advice for incoming 1Ls?  Remember that some of this should be fun.  And you will never get that table next to the outlet in the hard lounge ever, ever again.