Mock Cover Letter
To Whom It May Concern:
I am a first year law student at The George Washington University Law School, and I am interested in a summer position in your organization. I found your posting through Symplicity, and was very impressed with the graphics on your website. Also, once the Public Sector Recruiting Program fell through, I started feeling the pressure and decided to apply to everything with a mailing address. I will be available starting May 3, once finals are over and I can begin taking solid food again.
I am entirely unqualified to work as an intern in your organization. I have no idea what the heck is going on in LRW, and God help me when my employer has to pay for my Westlaw searches, as I will be prone to spending hundreds of dollars trying to determine which of my high school friends have assault cases pending. However, I did work for two weeks during my sophomore year at Abercrombie & Fitch, and thus am fully prepared to make a bogus analogy about how that will help me succeed as your intern. My retail experience taught me how to fold my shirts impeccably, how to stretch a five-minute break to cover my entire shift, and how to hold my breath to keep from killing brain cells with cologne. I believe that the one time I caught a shoplifter should adequately demonstrate my commitment to justice in the community. Well, "catch" is a strong word. More like...observed. And ignored. OK, let's be serious, I helped the guy. But I'm all about justice. And that shirt was way overpriced.
My greatest accomplishment in law school to date was attending a general body meeting for Street Law, but when they ran out of pizza, I split. Also, I have maliciously implicated half the Aston for cheating on the LRW exam to demonstrate my commitment to fairness and my true love of competition and legal citation. Additionally, I have donated ten bucks to Haiti relief efforts. I mean, I was trying to update my Twitter and hit the wrong button, but whatevs. It's still a public service.
I want you to know that I truly believe in your mission. Well, actually, that's a lie. But I figure, I might as well get used to selling my principles to the highest bidder while I'm young. I mean, you could be the Foundation for Baby Seal Clubbing for all I care. All I know is that I really, really want a job. That and my mock interviewer told me that nobody outside of GW uses the TREAT structure, so I've come to the realization that we're all just going to die alone. Please hire me. Please. I am prepared to work for free. I'll even throw in my kidney to sweeten the deal. Just say the word and I am totally in that ice-filled bathtub.
P.S. Unless my judicial internship comes through. Then forget you guys.
Enclosure: Resume; self-loathing; tear stains.