All right. It's a new year, a new semester, and (potentially) a new decade. In honor of this era of new beginnings, I think that it is time to blow the lid off of one of the biggest misconceptions pervading my classes. Some of you might not be willing to accept this blinding, terrifying truth. Still, I feel like I need to rip off the Band-aid so that the healing can begin. Prepare yourselves.

I can see your laptop screen in class. So can everyone else.

Now, I'm willing to acknowledge that laptops are “really, really helpful.” They allow students to take notes, as well as adding pleasant percussive typing sounds as an aural backdrop to lectures. No more ink-stained hands or lefties dying earlier. It's a good thing.

But, let's be honest. How many laptop note-takers manage to use their laptops solely for classroom purposes? Assuming the GW wireless Internet can keep its life together for an entire class period, the temptation level to mess around online is similar to that of a diabetic five year old in a candy store. You know you shouldn't. You really, really shouldn't. But the GChat is just soooo delicious.

I'm not here to preach the virtues of focusing in class. There are days where I have a goldfish-level attention span and I am indulging in StumbleUpon's ability to show me endless websites devoted to bacon. But, seriously. Some people out there are abusing the privilege of academic inattentiveness conferred by technology. In the interests of community harmony (which you all know I hold in the highest esteem), I have come up with three basic guidelines.

1) Try to limit yourself to activities not involving animations, videos, or excessively distracting graphics.
YouTube is amazing. We all know this. And there are endless entertaining videos of baby animals, skateboarding failures, and newscaster gaffes. But when I sit two rows behind you, and you watch the video of the baby dancing to Beyonce six times in a row, I become so concerned for your mental well-being that I cannot pay attention. Especially given the fact that the sound is off. You're just watching a baby bouncing up and down. Is lecture really that bad?

2) Please keep personal business off your laptop screen.
Really? You want to WebMD that during class? In front of 100 other people? Is it really that pressing? Kind of an overshare. Also, it creeps me out enough that Craigslist Casual Encounters exists in the first place. I really do not want to put a name to a...face.

3) If you can't go 55 minutes without accessing a site, it may be time to acknowledge you have a problem.
And World of Warcraft guy, I'm not even directing this entirely at you. I understand that the urge to indulge in a midday raid on the dwarves overpowers you. Plus, that sword looks huge on your 15-inch screen. I'm surprised that your muscle-y Viking avatar can even lift it, so I won't mess with you. So let's talk Facebook. Can I just postulate that no one will miss your status updates informing us that you've safely transitioned from Contracts to Property? The obvious hazards of a flight of stairs aside, how many people on your friend list even know you're in law school? Or that you survived that night in Cancun? Just say no.

I think we've all learned something today. Namely, that I have no attention span, and spend an inordinate amount of time being distracted by what other people are doing on the interwebs. But please, for my sake and for the sake of others like me, please save the underwear shopping for the privacy of the hard lounge.