A disturbing hush has fallen over the halls of GW Law. The air of the soft lounge is thick with the tang of despair, in addition to the usual scent of free Lexis coffee and overpriced Au Bon Pain sandwiches. I've recently memorized the LRW Local Rules, and it was implied at orientation that violating them would result in being waterboarded in Eastern Europe by faceless CIA agents. I have realized that I cannot go into great detail about what is causing all of the 1Ls to start considering careers as McDonald's employees. I have a journalistic obligation to expose this issue in our community, so I had to press on and find a way to write about what is going on. For the purposes of this article, therefore, I shall refer to what is traumatizing the 1Ls as Shmemo One. Hopefully, this will be enough to keep me from getting kicked out of school.

The particular facet of Shmemo One's effect on the 1L community that I intend to explore is a side effect that I would like to call "stress topping." Below I have provided a sample conversation, so that you, the reader, can identify "stress topping" and run. Run the other way as fast as possible. You will not win this particular brand of competition. You can only lose, and lose horribly.

Student A: Dude. I am so stressed out about writing my Shmemo.

Student B: I know, right? I worked for 8 hours on mine yesterday.

Student A: Oh me too! I didn't sleep all night.

Student B: I didn't sleep at all either. All week.

Student A: Yeah. I was so worried about losing my Super Duper Imperial Scholarship if I do poorly on this memo that I actually moved into the Writing Center after my last anxiety attack.

Student B: Yeah, I could see how that would be stressful. I mean, I'm stressed because if I don't get a 4.0 this semester, Obama will never hire me as the Secretary of Legal Awesomeness and I'm really counting on that job.

Student A: I heard that if you don't get all of your citations right, your Dean's Fellow will actually eat your soul. I see her every time I close my eyes.

Student B: Yeah, I'm that stressed but like...100 times more!

Student A: No you're not!

(fisticuffs ensue)

There you have it, GW. Do not fall victim to stress topping. There is absolutely nothing more dangerous, or more irritating. Except for the people with rolling backpacks who take the elevator one floor. Seriously, guys? Seriously?